A five-year-old child was abducted by a pedophile one sunny afternoon in 1953. She managed to escape and now tells the story some fifty years later. All those years with a secret tied up so tight inside her, unable to find its way out into the light for fear of shame and rejection Oh how she would rather have not remembered that day when she lost her identity, her innocence, her chance of living a normal life. Definitely not a topic to be dragged out over dinner or discussed lightheartedly by a book reading club, this is not fiction, far from it; these are the cold hard facts as it happened to me!
The narrative follows this little girl's life through her formative years right into adulthood and her quest to release her inner-self. She lives life locked in a continuous macabre dance of illegitimate shame which colour her every move and thought. Jean-Paul Sartre describes shame as a hemorrhage of the soul. The struggle with illegitimate shame is momentous for anyone who has been abused. Illegitimate shame is poisonous and corrosive.
Years later she revisits the scenes of the crimes, acknowledging herself as the central victim. This harrowing odyssey which she alone chooses to do, gives her empowerment, understanding and a profound sense of accomplishment. Hearing the global statistics in 2005 that one in three women are victims of domestic violence and catch-cries that "violence begins at home" is stark testimony to the times in which we live.
How does a child feel after being taken away from her home by deception, sexually abused - then successfully escapes? What are the long-term consequences for the children who survive such an attempt? How do their lives pan out as adults? What steps should parents take to minimise the trauma caused by such a horrific act? Why don't women in violent situations just leave? These are common questions with complex answers. It is not for us to judge another because a woman decides to stay and try to make her marriage work. You see, no one quite understands the circumstances of another person.
Unbeknownst to me my prospective husband, my knight in shining armour, was an abuser seeking a victim. I didn't realise I had an invisible sign stamped on my forehead - "victim". For six years I tried to keep my marriage together and protect my son from abuse. In the end after a suicide attempt, I took the frightening decision to flee the country with just $200 in my pocket. For the next fifteen years I struggled to raise a disabled son with multiple medical problems, as well as deal with my increasing bouts of depression and hold down a full time job.
After many admissions to psychiatric hospitals and dealing with the increasingly aggressive behaviour from my special needs son, I burnt out. I had to give up my career in the Software Industry and was bedridden for six months due to chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia and major depression/anxiety disorder. I suffered post traumatic stress disorder and terrifying flashbacks.
I was a victim of abuse and I had denied it all my life. I was in such emotional and psychological pain I couldn't function. I was afloat on a raft of despair. As Providence would have it, I found a therapist who handed me a book that held the key to unlocking my pain. I finally found a reason to step out of denial and face my reality with hope and courage.
